Little Hope
by sasuhina-fan7
Summary: When David first held Spencer in his arms, he didn't know what to feel.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: For those who have read Brother My Brother, I've offered a deal in which I start posting a Reid/Rossi father/son story in exchange for 75 reviews of that story. Although I haven't gotten that many, I decided to at least give those who did take the time to put in some helpful insight on Brother My Brother a sneak peek of Little Hope. Hope it leaves you asking for more.**

**Disclaimer: The day I own Criminal Minds is the day I meet Thomas Gibson and Matthew Gray Gubbler.**

As David Rossi held Spencer Reid- now Spencer Reid-Rossi- he wasn't sure how to feel. Spencer was small- born three weeks earlier than his actual due date- and a bit thin due to malnourished he suffered. Honey brown strands of hair were placed on his head and hazel eyes were staring back into Rossi's own brown eyes in slight curiosity and boredom. A blue pacifier was placed in Spencer's mouth and tiny hands were slightly flailing along with his legs through the blue blanket Carolyn had wrapped him up in. Carolyn had said Spencer was beautiful, and David wouldn't deny that much; but he just didn't know how to feel in general.

For the past three years, David and Carolyn had tried to have a baby and to say it was emotionally draining was an understatement Medical complications on both sides- Carolyn's family had a medical history of fertilization issues, and then there was case of David having case of low sperm count- as well as the pressure involving David's career as a profiler had caused major roadblocks in their efforts. It came to a point where David could see how Carolyn was stressing out and even becoming moody; nights where David would come home to see Carolyn sniffling in her pillow and angry tear streaks down her face.

David was also becoming moody for not only the same reasons but more. His career as a profiler had led him to see some of the most depressing and depriving sights. One case involving the torture and slaughter of small children and seeing the emotional states of the parents had David wondering if he even had the resources emotionally to have a child. He didn't tell Carolyn this; however, not wanting to put her under more stress than she already was.

At the end of the second year of trying, David and Carolyn had gotten their wish. Carolyn was elated to the say the least, and David couldn't hold back his own excitement but held back the creeping sense of apprehension. He had chalked it up to simple nerves that came with being a first time father. David could remember the nights he would hold Carolyn close and caress her stomach, names for girls and boys going through his head as well as his consideration for quitting his rising career. In the end he decided not to, thinking that he had to do what he could to make this world a bit safer for their baby. As for a name, David had suggested James for a boy and Juliet for a girl to Carolyn. She laughed, hands on her growing stomach, and agreed.

Once more, there efforts came crashing down, loud; blazing; and mocking. When Carolyn went into labor, David had a feeling something horrible was going to happen, but he once more chalked it up to nerves involving being a first time father. He endured the pain in his hand as Carolyn held it in a death grip while bringing their baby into the world. Her expression was one of great pain and coated in a sheen of sweat. Overtime the doctor told her to push, and a strangled cry came from his wife; David felt his stomach lurch and the pain in his hand grew just a bit.

What man in their right mind came up with the idea that the husband should be in the same room as the wife when she's in labor?  
>"That's it Mrs. Rossi, almost there," the doctor encouraged, and David cheered inside. Soon enough the loud cries of newborn filled the room, and David had never felt a stronger urge cry until his son- James- was placed in his arms.<p>

Three weeks later, David was awaken by the sounds of Carolyn's hysteric crying and pleads for him to call 9-1-1. James had stopped breathing in his crib and David had completely given up on having children.

Four months later, David had received a call from Carolyn while she was visiting an old friend in Las Vegas, Nevada. Diana Reid, if David remembered. The two women had been friends since high school, both being members of the same book club. After high school, the two women had gone their separate ways; Carolyn going into real-estate and marrying her college sweetheart David Rossi himself and Diana becoming a professor of fifteenth-century literature and marrying a lawyer named William.

A month before, Diana had contacted Carolyn, saying she had great news for her and wanted to tell her in person. Carolyn didn't want to go, her obvious sadness over the lost of her son still there, but David insisted she go. She had barely left the house anymore and she was becoming more and more dishevelled. Maybe seeing an old friend, staying at a luxurious hotel with a spa, would help her. David had never expected to have Carolyn crying over the line, saying they had to help him.

"Who, Carolyn?" David had literally yelled over the phone with obvious panic.

"Little Spencer! Oh dear God, David, he's a mess...!" she sobbed.

David had to calm his wife down, get her to explain what was going on. What he heard had made him want to murder the son of the bitch known as William Reid.

The bastard left Diana shortly after Diana had found out she was pregnant. When Carolyn had reached Diana's house, she noticed how the outside had seen better days, but placed it as Diana never being the usual housewife type- more into books rather than cleaning more than what was necessary. She heard the shrieking of what could obviously be a baby in the house, and hesitated to knock. When she did, Diana hadn't answered until Carolyn was literally banging on the door. After Diana opened the door, she had never been so shocked.

Diana's blonde hair was in total disarray, her face pale with sunken cheeks, and she was dressed in a ruffled bathrobe. A smile was planted on her face as she greeted Carolyn, and gave her the news that she had just given birth to a boy named Spencer and wanted Carolyn to be the godmother. Her tone and blank look in her eyes told Carolyn that Diana wasn't well and had asked if she could see Spencer.

The inside of the house was just as bad with books and clothes everywhere. Spencer was crying his lungs out in a crib in the master bedroom, clearly hungry and clearly in need of a diaper change. Without panicking Diana, Carolyn had simply asked if she could feed Spencer- explaining that she always wanted to do this. Diana was all the more cooperative. Spencer was fed, changed, and cooing in Carolyn's arms. After Carolyn got in the rental car, she called child-protective services. The next morning, Carolyn had called to check in on what happened. Spencer was underweight and sickly. Diana was mentally disturbed and needed help.

Once Carolyn had finished relaying the story, David felt his heart clench and apprehension bubble in his stomach. He could tell where Carolyn was going with this, and David didn't know if he wanted to go down the same path. Not too long ago he had buried his only son and now he was expected to take care of someone else's. Still, Carolyn's sobbing and Spencer's story had caused him to agree to what his wife wanted, and Spencer was now in his arms.

David looked back up to see Carolyn, clearly exhausted but carried a grateful smile, standing before him. The moment she walked into the door, David could see she had already bonded with her godson. Spencer was held close to her chest and she only looked up from him to only give David a quick kiss on the lips and then introduced him to their newest edition.

"He's been very quiet," she said while reaching over and running her index finger over Spencer's cheek. He responded by turning his head to her, "Hardly cries and loves to be cuddled," she finished that with a giggle, "Kind of like you."

The small smile couldn't stay away from his bearded face before once more looking down at the infant. Spencer was still gazing at Carolyn, his arms and legs perfectly still as his eyes were now completely curious. Great, David thought, Spencer already chose his favorite parent.

"Well then, he's perfect for you," David commented, which caught Spencer's attention. The infant blinked before his hands started moving again, this time reaching out for the black whiskers of David's beard, "Hey now, that's not for you to play with."

Spencer didn't listen. He opened his mouth a bit, which caused his pacifier to fall from his mouth. Gurgles came from his mouth as he kept trying and Carolyn couldn't help but laugh as David tried to pull his head away from the infant's hold. Soon enough, David let out his own held back laugh as he saw Spencer even smile a bit at what had to be the expression David was showing.

"You might want to shave, David," Carolyn said. David gave her a humorous look.

"Are you crazy, woman? You know how hard it is for me to grow a beard this sexy?"

Carolyn rolled her eyes, "You're Italian, David, it wouldn't take long."

A small hand gripped David's beard, followed by a happy gurgle. The small plop of Spencer's pacifier was heard along with Carolyn's laughter as she bent down and picked it up.

"You two play nice now," she said as she made her way to the kitchen, leaving David standing there with an infant holding his beard for dear life and making cooing sounds that could have been passed off as laughing.

Slowly, David lowered his head and saw his new...son. Yeah, son. "You're cute little guy, but my beard is not your toy."

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed the sneak peek, remember, 75 reviews on Brother My Brother gets you more.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: A deal's a deal. I'd like to thank you all for your reviews on Brother My Brother. Also, I like to thank you for your reviews, favorites, and follows on this story. Apparently, I underestimated the popularity of Rossi/Reid family stories. Oh well, I'm not complaining since this got more popularity with just a sneak peek. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

"Your turn," Carolyn mumbled as the couple was awaken from the loud crying coming over the baby monitor on the nightstand.

David pried his eyes open, a yawn strong enough to crack his jaw erupting from his mouth, "When he wants attention, he sure can scream," he then mumbled as he dragged himself out of bed.

"Most parents would still say we got the better deal," Carolyn said, her eyes still closed, and David could see evidence of a smile in the dark.

Shaking his head, David put on his slippers and headed for the nursery. Just outside the door, David let out a heavy sigh. Even after nine months, the pain of what happened in this very room was still heavy in David's heart. He remembered how he asked Carolyn to perhaps have Spencer sleep with them in their room, thinking maybe it would be too emotionally draining to use- and maybe a bit insulting to James' memory. In the end, the two agreed that it wasn't insulting to James nor was it an attempt to replace him. Didn't mean it got easier to go inside. The only thing that caused David to push open the door and head walk to the crib was the crying infant.

"Hey, hey, none of that now," David said as he reached into the crib and picked Spencer up, "What's got you so upset?"

Spencer only flailed in his hold as tears ran down his small face. From the feel under David's hand, a diaper change was needed. Maybe even a late night snack. Not being able to hold back a smile, David walked over to the changing table and did what had to be done. When he was done, David gave Spencer his pacifier and carried the infant to the kitchen. By then, Spencer was once again participating in his favorite game of trying to grab David's beard, a smile around formed around his pacifier.

"You better grow out of this, or I might have to shave," David joked as he began the not-so-easy task of preparing a bottle with one hand- women on TV made the motions look so easy. As the milk was warming over the stove, David sat at the dining room table and gave Spencer his finger to play with instead of his beard.

"I was wondering where you two went," Carolyn announced herself as she walked into the room. She gave David a quick kiss on the temple before moving to stroke Spencer's curls, "I take it this little guy got hungry."

"That and he had a little accident," David said and then let out a chuckle. He felt his finger being chewed on and then looked down to see that Spencer's pacifier was no longer in his mouth and he was chewing on the appendage, "Really, Spencer?"

"Hey, babies love to put things in their mouths," Carolyn defended, "You shouldn't have given your finger to play with if you didn't want him to use it as a teething toy."

David snorted before gently pulling his finger from the boy's mouth. Spencer whined while giving off a pretty strong grip in order to keep his new plaything. Quickly giving Spencer his pacifier back, David breathed a sigh of relief at the lack of drool on his finger.

"You hold him while I get his bottle," David said afterwards. Carolyn only kept up a smirk as she took the infant into her arms. Again, her fingers stroked the brown curls while she gave off random babble noises, causing Spencer to once more drop his pacifier as he laughed. David shook his head as he went back into the kitchen, "I swear I think he's already playing favorites with us!"  
>"Oh I know, I just don't complain."<p>

"Of course you wouldn't complain, you're his favorite," David placed the warm milk in a clean bottle and then dripped a few on his hand to check temperature.

"I don't know David. With that sexy beard you're sporting, he might change his mind."

David came back into the room and handed his wife the bottle, "Yeah, if I let him pull on it. For a little guy, Spencer has one mean grip."

Carolyn placed the nipple near Spencer's mouth, and smiled as he took in without hesitation and started sucking, "Definitely hungry."

"And yet he doesn't gain a single pound," David sat in the seat next to Carolyn and sighs, "Most women would be envious."

Carolyn gave a playful look before turning back to Spencer who was still suckling but also trying to grip the bottle. They both seemed to notice how Spencer was learning things a bit faster than infants his age. Perhaps it was nothing, but David was trained to know when someone was the exception to something and Spencer was definitely one of them.

"By the way, my parents are coming by this weekend..."

"And I will be here if I don't have a case," David finished.

Carolyn nodded, her own expression showing a bit of annoyance. It wasn't as if she disapproved of David's job. She thought David's job was something positive and something Spencer would be proud to say his papa was when he was older. She was just sometimes annoyed at the fact David couldn't make it to family events.

Papa, David mused. He knew when Spencer even started calling him "dada" it was going to hit him like a ton of bricks. David understood that he was the only father Spencer had- William was on the top of his list of people David was beat when seen-but there was always the underlying feeling that he knew he wasn't Spencer's actual father. Hell, Spencer still had his mother, she just wasn't well in the head.

"I know this is coming out of left field," David said as he watched Carolyn put down the now empty bottle. She placed a face towel- David wondered when she got that- over her shoulder and began the process of trying to burp Spencer, "But the day Spencer's old enough, are we gonna tell him that he's adopted?"

Carolyn's taps on Spencer's back slowed. Her eyes darted away from David's, and she started biting her lip. David knew it was a delicate topic, but he thought they should talk about this now instead of ten or twelve years down the road when Spencer somehow discovers that he and Carolyn weren't his biological parents. From what he gathered, children don't take to that type of information when they had to learn it on their own or from someone other than their parents; and David wasn't going risk loosing another son.

"I'm not sure, David..."

"Carolyn," David reached out and touched his wife's arm, "This is something we have to talk about now. Not when Spencer's older and can understand what the adults are saying."  
>Right then, Spencer let out a tiny burp and spit up. Carolyn, her face crest-fallen- sighed before handing Spencer back to David. She removed the slightly soiled towel and picked up the bottle, saying she was going to be right back. David gave off his own sigh as he looked down at Spencer who was now chewing his fist, a slight smile forming around it.<p>

"Time for you to head back to bed," David smiled a little as he began rocking the infant.

"I don't think he should know," Carolyn said out of nowhere as she came back into the room.

Spencer turned his head to the sound of the voice, fist still in mouth. David thought for a second Spencer understood what she was saying, but dismissed the idea and nodded his head.

"Because of his father?" David questioned as he continued rocking the infant.

Carolyn's eyes narrowed and her nose crinkled, "He's not even a father, he's a sperm donor, David. And yes, I think that's a good enough reason."

"And what about Diana?" David went on, "Last time we checked in on her, she was responding well to her treatment. If she keeps this up when Spencer's old enough, doesn't she at least deserve to see him while we're with him?"

"And I ask you what we tell Spencer when the day comes," she plopped down in a seat and folded her hands on the table. Her eyes were still narrowed, "Your father left before you were even born and your mother was so sick that she let you sit in a dirty diaper and starve."

"We tell him that his mother loved him, but couldn't take care of herself let alone him," David gazed down at Spencer who was now looking back at him. His fist was no longer in his hand and his eyes were drooping, "As I said Carolyn, if she's keeping up with her treatment in the hospital, we can at least let her see him. I don't think she deserves to have her son permanently cut off from her."  
>"His father?"<p>

"That bastard lost his chance," David deadpanned. Carolyn gave him a scolding look and gestured to the baby dozing off in his arms. David nodded as though he was apologizing, "Look, I'm just saying that there will be a day when Spencer is going to find out the truth, and I think it's best for him to know when he's young and more understanding rather than when he's older and more prone to resent us for hiding the truth."

Carolyn's eyes flashed to something David could pin as realization. Her hands withdrew from each other and became separate fists. Once more she was biting her lip, and David watched as her expression showed she was trying to come up with a reply. When her eyes deflated and a sigh came past her lips, David knew she had none.

"We don't tell him on any special occasions," she said and then gave David a serious look, "That's all I'm asking David. Personally, I won't be able to be partial when it comes to thinking which age should be best for him to know. That will be up to you."

"Fair enough," David said as he balanced a now sleeping infant in one arm and used his other hand to grasp Carolyn's clenched one, "And when that day comes, Spencer is not going to love you any less. Yes, he'll have questions and we'll answer to the best of our abilities, but he won't start hating us."

Carolyn looked at her husband, her eyes shining with tears. David's heart dropped at the sight, "And what makes you so sure of that, David?"

"Children are more understanding than we give them credit for," David explained, a hopeful smile on his face, "And besides, Spencer's already chose you as his favorite parent, so I doubt he won't just drop you."

He watched as Carolyn let out a small laugh.

**A/N: Alright, let me hear what you think. I really appreciate it.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Please forgive me for taking so long, and thank you all for your patience and reviews as well as favorites and follows I also apologize for how short this chapter is, but I hope you like it either way.**

Some cases sucked more than others, and David knew that more than most people. And it sucked even more when all he wanted to do was hold his family, but he couldn't since he was stuck in a hotel across the country while Carolyn and Spencer were at home, Spencer probably not in his crib but by Carolyn's side on the bed she shared with David. He had walked in to see Carolyn asleep with her hand resting on Spencer's, now eleven months old, tummy one time. Although David knew it was something that could warrant concern, he didn't question it as he took the empty spot next to both his wife and son and ran his finger through the brown curls that were getting pretty long for a baby his age.

The memory caused a content smile on his face that lasted until David grabbed his copy of the case file, opening it as he sat on the bed in his hotel room. The content smile melted into a angry frown as he read the details, hoping to find a break. Four boys- none older than five years old- were found strangled and left on the stairs of churches.

Before James was even born, David always found cases involving children to be the most disturbing. The thought of someone being disgusting enough to harm someone so small and had everything to live for always made David's blood boil. It intensified by ten after James' birth, fifty after James' death, and a hundred once Spencer had became a solid part of the family. He thought about the families and the pain they experienced at the knowledge that their small children were dead. That was a pain he himself had experienced and was still feeling the after affects. It would be a long time until the families of those four boys would even begin to heal.

After looking through the file closely, David sighed in frustrated defeat before closing the manilla folder and placing it on the nightstand next to the bed. All the team could get from what they gathered was that the unsub had clearly suffered from a great loss- perhaps a child at the same age as those boys- and dumped them on the stairs of the church as either a warning because the church could have probably been the reason for the loss or as an insult to the church, saying God couldn't even save these small lives. Either way, David found the unsub to be disgusting and hoped that when the bastard was caught, he would be placed in a cell where someone would make him his bitch every night.

Resting his head against the pillow, David ran his hand over his face several times before digging into his pocket and pulling out his wallet. Inside were two pictures. One was a picture of Carolyn and James the day he was brought home form the hospital. Carolyn still looked exhausted from the hours she put in giving birth, but her smile was bright while she held their son who was wrapped in a blue-checkered blanket and sleeping peacefully. After James died, David had buried the photo in his work desk, hoping never to look at it. He dug up the photo soon after the second photo was taken.

Spencer was smiling at the camera as he crawled on wobbly knees towards David. Carolyn was behind him, her smile once more bright while hands were held in a clapping motion. David remembered how he had snapped the photo, put the camera down, and scooped his squealing son in his arms. As expected, Spencer had tried to reach for David's beard, and David allowed it as a reward for the then nine month old.

After David had the photo printed, he had dug up the one of James, thinking it wasn't fair to James to hide him behind his younger brother. Besides, he thought he could show the photo to Spencer when he was old enough. Now both photos served as sort of an anchor for David during a rough case. They reminded him that he had a reason to keep doing this job. So that maybe the streets would be a bit more safer for Spencer to play in when he was older.

David ran his finger over both pictures- bittersweet moments flashing through when he ran it over James' photo- before closing his wallet and placing it back in his pocket. He thought about how soon enough, Spencer would be able to start walking- he was already able to stand on his own, and he was constantly practicing according to Carolyn- and even talk. David was still feeling nervous about the day Spencer would call him "dada", but it wasn't to the extent that he felt at first.

He wanted Spencer to call him "dada", and perhaps "papa" like he and Carolyn had with their dads, but David wouldn't deny how he thought it would hurt to think how James would never get to call him that. How was it that parents could bury their children when it was clearly suppose to be the other way around.

Deciding to not depress himself anymore than he already has, David pulled out his phone this time and dialed Carolyn's number. Did he feel bad for possibly waking his sleeping wife and small son? Yes, but Carolyn would understand if he just wanted to call and tell her and Spencer good night.

"Dave, do you know what time it is?" Carolyn's voice was heavy with fatigue and had a hint of annoyance. David couldn't help but chuckle just a bit.

"Sorry, time difference," he said, knowing that wasn't a complete lie. After all, she was in DC and David was in Utah.

"You always say that," Carolyn deadpanned, "Just say that you want to say goodnight."  
>"Alright, I just called to say good night."<p>

"Good night, smart aleck," Carolyn chuckled and then David heard movement in the background, "Spencer, say goodnight to Daddy."

David's smile grew when he heard gurgling, "Good night to you too, mio figlio. Sweet dreams."

More gurgling was heard before Carolyn's voice came back on, "He's been restless for some reason. I swore he was asleep when I fell asleep, but he was squealing when my phone rang. I think he was just waiting for you to call."

"Really now," David smirked, "I guess the tables are turning. I'm slowly becoming his favorite now."

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that," Carolyn remarked and then more movement was heard, "He only misses his favorite toy."

"My beard is not a toy."

"Spencer thinks it is," babbling was heard, causing Carolyn to laugh, "And he's agreeing with me."

"I've been meaning to ask this," David said, his frustration melting away and being replaced by amusement, "Why is it that he wants to constantly pull on my beard but will bypass your hair? It's in reach just as much."

"Who knows, maybe Spencer just loves the way it feels," Carolyn's voice dropped just a bit, "I know I do."

David chuckled, "Nice to know, but I'd rather not go down this road while the little guy is laying next to you. Get some sleep, both of you."

"You too, Dave, you sound exhausted," Carolyn said, "I'll make your favorite meal when you get home."

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"Yes, but I would like to hear it again."

"Love you, Carolyn."

"Love you too."

**A/N: Okay, give me what you think. I can handle it. **


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